How To Support Someone Who Is Feeling Depressed, Anxious and Suicidal?
“Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.” — Matt Haig
Image Courtesy: Breedstock — Pixabay
“You are not alone. You are seen. I am with you. You are not alone.” — Shonda Rhimes
After reading one of the comments by my very sweet and adorable friend, Tom Byers, I decided to write on this topic. However, some people questioned me about this on Quora as well.
So, without any delay, let’s talk about how to help someone who is struggling with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation thoughts.
Examine Yourself While Listening To The Person
I have seen people pretending to be helpful while they are full of venomous thoughts. If you have never been suicidal, depressive, or anxious, please tell the person upfront that you don’t understand what they are going through. You have never been there. Tell them to find someone either professionally or through supportive help groups that can help them break the chain of thoughts they never wanted to witness in the first place.
*Extreme no to sentences like: Haha! You are joking, right? Okay, go ahead, do it. It’s your everyday drama. Why the hell are you looking for attention? There is nothing like depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. You have always been a problem.
Recommend Things That Have Worked Out For You
I know these steps come into the picture when you are highly aware of your surroundings and have mastered the art of empathy. My mental health got much worse in the year 2017. Although the chain of events started before that I believe from the time when I turned a teenager. But in 2018, I gave myself a task to break the chain of suicidal ideation thoughts.
I started reading books. I read three books in a day and completed 12 books in the first week of Jan 2018. When I did that, I realized, that suicidal thoughts started getting distracted. I started enjoying reading more than feeling depressed and anxious. Reading felt super therapeutic. It healed me. It taught me how to be empathetic with the characters even when I was reading fiction. It took me to places both dark and light. It taught me one important thing the brain is a place which can be molded, and depressive phases are as temporary as other aspects of life.
*I am not saying what worked for me will work for you. Nope. You have to deep dive into yourself. You have to find help. You have to figure out what brings you peace even if it means being peaceful for 30 mins in a day. Practice that thing more. Put your phone away for that period. Immerse yourself into that activity and it could be anything like taking a walk-in nature, talking to yourself while standing in front of a mirror, or praying from your heart to God to seek strength and courage.
Surround Yourself With People Who Don’t Bring You Down
This step is extremely important. I can understand if you are not financially stable or your whole existence depends on someone else to feed you, I would still say you can find your people from anywhere in this world. Ask for it from God. He will send those people your way the way he did to me. It’s not going to be an easier journey and you don’t need to look for 100 of them. Just one person will heal you as much as you want to when the connection is authentic and full of care and affection.
I was surrounded by demons while going through an abusive marriage. They didn’t leave any stone unturned in bringing me down. They succeeded in it as much as I allowed them to succeed. But the day I discarded them and took hold of myself, the whole game changed. Did I do it alone? No way. God helped me to do it because in my prayers I consistently asked him “What’s the purpose of enduring this abuse and low-graded life?”. He showed me the path and I started walking on it.
Educate Yourself By Watching And Listening To Stories Of Other Abuse and Trauma Survivors
I am not stating that by listening to others or watching their videos your pain will subside. Nope. There is no medium to measure the pain of others. I wish there was an instrument developed for it but even after that one cannot say that your pain is lesser or mine is bigger. That’s what I call stupidity.
Your pain is valid. Your trauma is valid. What you are going through is not in your hands. You haven’t invited depression into your life. It just happened. You are not responsible for it no matter what the paid therapists, uneducated relatives, and unempathetic friends are telling you. Your experience is valid. All you have to do is to watch and listen to others about their stories. Step into their shoes and it will teach you a lot of empathy. When this happens, you start becoming empathetic to yourself. Yes, it starts with you. Never neglect yourself just because you want to help others. You are your number one priority. Never forget that even on those days when you are struggling. You matter.
Final Thoughts
I am not a professionally certified therapist but the biggest compliment that I got from another domestic abuse survivor just two weeks ago is that ma’am I have taken four therapies, but none have healed me the way you do. You talk about real-life experiences, and they talk about bookish knowledge. After three hours of conversation, she said to me ma’am I don’t feel suicidal anymore. I am thankful to God that you heard me out and understood me.
So, yeah, everything that I am sharing is coming from my own experiences and the people with whom I interact daily. I wish I had known people like me in the past when I was growing up because that would have helped me a lot in dealing with my mental health for sure. But today, I feel blessed that God has chosen me for this task to raise others by telling them what they are going through is not their fault.
*Thank you for reading my words and always offering support. I love you all!
Gurpreet Dhariwal is the author of four books. Her books are available on Amazon, Flipkart, and BlueRose. Connect with Gurpreet at www.gurpreetdhariwal.com. To book one on one session: gurpreetdhariwal.com/online-appointments